Self Confidence: Work with what you ARE, not what you HAVE!

On Wednesday at work, a co-worker of mine hit me with possibly the BEST pick-up line in the history of lines. He exclaimed, “Ayi kwei Armah, a Ghanian author wrote a book called the ‘beautiful ones are not yet born’, but in fact, he is wrong. The beautiful one is standing right in front of me”. Me being me, I laughed and refused to believe his words because I thought to myself, I am not at my ideal size; I have gaps in my teeth; My hair looks terrible; I am nothing to write home about.

As we both conversed whilst strolling to the station, he said to me “your presence is your beauty because I can feel your spirit and I feel happy and at peace being around you”. After the few words he uttered to me, I had to mediate on my mindset and to find what the real meaning of confidence was.

I have always been an insecure person; I guess it’s because I come from a family of very attractive people so I have always felt inadequate in many ways; it doesn’t help having attractive friends either. To add on to that, having been dumped and left for the ‘better person’ on numerous occasions has completely distorted my view of myself to the level that I constantly debase myself, even though others would say and think otherwise.

So during my quiet time, I said to myself, ‘I need to gain confidence. Firstly, I need to go to the gym, read more, get my hair done…’ POISON! My confidence laid in vanity and materials. I realized that I didn’t actually understand the concept of true self confidence. You see, in the oxford dictionary, the definition of self-confidence is ‘a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement’. Clearly, we can now see where I went wrong in defining my self- confidence. In this definition, it speaks of nothing about ones material possessions or physical appearance or past endeavors. From this point, I knew that I actually attained a high level of self-confidence. I have always known that I am intelligent, of good character, caring; have an alluring persona that draws people to me and these are things I am very confident about in myself; but the question is, why have I never counted these things when trying to count my positive assets. Because like I have mentioned earlier, I was oblivious to what it meant to be self-confident.

This is a subject matter that I feel needs to be addressed, because there are many people- especially women who feel that they lack confidence because some loser called them ‘ugly’ or because they aren’t somebody else. But the best way to gain and maintain that self- confidence is in trusting your abilities, qualities and judgement.

Trusting in your abilities. This is such a key one for us all and the reason being is because if we cannot believe that we have the ability to make things work out the way we would like them to then we will remain stagnant. For example, if you would like to drop those pounds and if you trust and believe that you are unable to commit to the gym and a healthy life style then those pounds will remain or you’ll keep on adding. Everyday, you must remind yourself of your strengths. If you cannot think of any, just remind yourself of the time you overcame a trial in your life. Whichever solution you used to solve the problem is the solution that you will count as your strength.

Trusting in your qualities. What do you possess that makes you you? What makes you stand out? If you are unaware of what your qualities are, these are the questions you should be asking yourself. Please! do us all a favour and do not come to the cliche conclusion of ‘I’m weird’ or ‘I’m crazy’. These conclusions are possibly the most common thing amongst us humans, so please think much deeper than that.

Trusting your judgement. For me, I would say that this one is a grey area, as we all can have different judgments on one situation. But my advice here is follow your heart. I say this because this judgment is something that is done for self approval- not for peer approval. You must learn to not waver in your judgement and stand firm on your decision no matter the outcome. That is true confidence. These may have nothing to do with judgment but the same way you can firmly confirm that the colour blue is blue, is the same way you should be able to firmly stick to your principles.

To conclude, there is one important thing you need to remember; we are all different and we all hold different qualities. If you lack something that someone else has, you are not inadequate. Also, you need to remember that your self- confidence does not lie in your physical possessions but, in who you are! I cannot stress that enough. So, if there is one thing I will leave you with, it’s this. Discover who you are, what you are and run with it- it makes a race a whole lot easier. AND, remember; YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL…

Signing out for now!

Love Thelma XO

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” Dalai Lama


Please check out this music video featuring the my amazing friend Etim Exkluse. Just click on the link below and follow his blogs.

I Got You still 2


3 thoughts on “Self Confidence: Work with what you ARE, not what you HAVE!

  1. Your write beautifully my dear. its a good reminder to rethink where are we basing our self-confidence. As women we so often mistakenly think of our outward appearances but it is so wrong. Beauty on the outside is just a fleeting moment, whats inside is so much more precious… and that’s what I always feel about you. You have such a beautiful soul, a precious smile, inner joy that immediately attracted me to you. I thank God that I have met you… I know your journey has not been easy but I know you will come out on top triumphantly with God by your side. =) It is often through difficult times that we grow the most, difficult times refines and defines our character to be stronger, to be more resilient than we have ever been before.
    Btw, few years ago I told myself that I should never base my confidence on my relationships (my partner, family members, of friends) but to base my confidence in God the one true presence who will never fail me, who always be faithful
    Love you babe. *big big hugs!*


    • You are just the most amazing woman to ever walk the planet! I love you so much and I’m so grateful for this reminder you have written. You inspire me in so many ways and it is fair to say that I wouldn’t be where I am without God and also your unfailing love. Can’t wait to see you in July! Love you always Yeva! Ps, remember that my daughter is being named after you!


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